How To Be Less Annoyed With People :: Love Your Life Bitch Vlog #62
How to Be Less Annoyed With People
Annoyance with others can come about from two basic places. Either the person is doing something quite annoying for the wide majority of people (in most cases)--or the person is doing something completely normal, like breathing, and for some reason it bugs the living Beetlejuice out of you (everyone has been here before). Finding a way to cope with either situation is good for your outlook, and probably good for your health.
Dealing with Annoying People
Breathe deeply.Breathing deeply, from your diaphragm, can actually reduce the amount of stress that your body feels.Calmly count to ten,slowly. Imagine yourself on the beach. Let the internal sound of waves and seagulls wash over you. Feel the mist of the seawater on your face and let it calm you. Channel your most calming memory of experience; the feeling of a loved one, the memory of success, the bliss of no responsibility.
Let go of how peopleshouldact and what peopleshoulddo.This step is all about managing expectations. Too often, we have very specific ideas of how people should act and what people should do, and then we get annoyed when they fail to live up to our expectations. "Common standards of decency," we say. While expecting others to be fundamentally decent is a worthy idea, it can cause true annoyance and even unhappiness. There's another way to do it:
- Set low expectations. Don't lose faith in humanity, but don't expect people to wow you with their manners, their thoughtfulness, their speech. When you don't expect a lot from others to begin with, you appreciate it more when they please you. Setting reasonable expectations is a major key to being less annoyed.
Ask yourself — what's in it for me?"What do I get out of being annoyed?" If you think about it, it's probably not all that much. Maybe you feel superior to the other person. But do you really want your judgment of who you are to derive from whatotherpeople do, or whatyoudo? Your identity will be a lot stronger if you base it off of what you do, not what others do.
Don't be afraid not to react.A lot of the time, when someone annoys us, we feel such a strong emotion that it's hard not to react. That's when we say something we shouldn't, or do something regrettable. Yelling "Stop!" or "Shut up!" is an example. Most of the time, our outburst makes the situation worse instead of making it better. After breathing deeply, center yourself and take a moment to see if it's worth your time to react. It may not be.
- Of course, if a coworker has just finished a sexist diatribe, it's probably a good thing to say something like "Steve, I don't think it's appropriate to compare women and cows like that." But if a coworker has just finished playing the same practical joke on you for the twentieth time, not giving him the satisfaction of a reaction will probably serve you best in the long run.
Pay attention to your body language .Frowns, glaring, and other unpleasant body language convey anger and contempt. And they're contagious, too, so if they target the person who's annoying you, that person is likely to feel angry back. Before you know it, things can escalate. As much as possible, maintain a calm, collected demeanor, betraying nothing that suggests you're annoyed.
Assume the best.Instead of assuming that the annoying person is trying to annoy you, assume that they don't know how they are coming off. Most people aren't deliberately trying to annoy you; they probably don't realize that what they are doing is annoying. In other words, they probably are in their own world and may not even be aware of you. Remember,youthink about you more than anyone else does — the same fact is true for everyone.
Don't sweat the small stuff.A little kid is bothering you on the airplane; a man is talking loudly into his cell phone; a lady asks you the same question twice at the DMV. These are all small fry. In the big scheme of things, they don't matter. You can greatly improve your quality of life by learning to let go, stop sweating the small stuff, and focusing your limited efforts and resources on the things that truly matter for most people: friends, family, health and safety, novelty, adventure, and lasting memories.
- Accept the things you cannot change. You can change yourself, the toilet paper, and the decor of your house, but cannot change someone else. Focus your energies on the things that you can change and the people around you will appreciate it.
Stop trying to please everyone.No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be someone who doesn't get you or who thinks about you in an unflattering way. Don't try to win over those apathetic or hostile to you, because it's a fool's errand. It makes you annoyed that you can't get everyone to like you as much as you feel you deserve. This desire comes from a selfish place, and it's toxic.
- No matter who you are, someone dislikes you. Whether it's because of race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference or social class, they find it very hard to see you as a human being in your own right. It's possible for someone to overcome that prejudice, but it rarely happens, and it never happens fast.
- Prove the haters wrong by doing your own thing. The best thing you can do to combat ignorance or prejudice is forget about it, continue to liveyourlife, and prove them wrong by example. Show them what an amazing person you are. Don't shove it in their face — just live your life. The people who won't notice are probably the people who are beyond saving.
Dealing with Your Own Annoyance
Identify what is bothering you.What is it that's setting you off? Is it something truly annoying, like a brother repeating the same noise you've asked him twice to knock off, or is it harmless, like someone breathing loudly?If it's something harmless that annoys you, there's probably some underlying issue that you haven't resolved, either about the person, or about yourself.
Change your attitude when annoyed.Stay friendly and polite instead of showing your annoyance. Avoid acting negatively or unfriendly and try making conversation with the person annoying you (if he/she is doing something harmless).
Turn any would-be advice that you'd like to give back on yourself.If you're annoyed with someone and you don't know why, or you're frustrated by the fact that you're annoyed, try this trick. Formulate some advice you'd like to give to that person. Say the person has played a joke on a friend of yours at their expense, and you want to tell the prankster "be considerate of other people." Now, instead of giving that advice to the other person, turn it around and see if the advice is applicable to you. Yes, you! Is there a way you can be considerate of other people? Can you let the good-humored attempt slide? Can you consider how your friend may have thought the joke was funny? Sometimes, the advice that we're most eager to give to other people is just the advice that we ourselves should swallow.
Be aware your annoyance can be a problem with you instead of a problem with them.It's certainly possible that the reason we find something or someone annoying is that it reminds us of ourselves; we don't want to believe that that's who we truly are, so we distance ourselves from the person or thing by summoning annoyance and getting angry. Ask yourself: Is the reason you're annoyed because the other person is reflecting something that hits too close to home?
Consider shaking your life up a bit.Being annoyed can be a sign that you're too entrenched in your comfort zone. Try shaking things. Rearrange your bedroom furniture, read books by authors who challenge your fundamental beliefs, take a trip overseas. Changing something in your life that shifts you out of your comfort zone and into new territory can lower your annoyance and crank up your compassion.
- Anything that helps you to grow and mature will tend to dampen annoyance with other people. The more that you learn about the world, and the more understanding you are of people's motivations, the less you'll expect of other people. The key to happiness is low expectations.
QuestionHow can I stop being so angry at my friends?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerStart by thinking of the good things they have done for you. If you're having an irritable day, tell them, "I need a little space today, I am very stressed out." That usually does the trick. If it doesn't work, then think of a relaxing place, take deep breaths, count backwards from 50, and imagine you're talking to someone very important (like a boss, teacher, co-worker, etc.) who you wouldn't dream of disrespecting. This may help you to treat your friends more considerately when you're in such a mood.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I set realistic expectations of others?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThanks!
QuestionHow do I just stop trying to change people?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerLook in the mirror first, as the only person you can actually change is yourself. Work on you, rather than trying to work on other people all the time. Relax, take a breath, and try to let go of 'them'. If someone else's behaviour is having a truly distressing effect on your life, then walk away from them altogether. No one needs to live in misery. Just be sure to look in the mirror first.Thanks!
QuestionWhat else can I do aside from counting to ten and taking a deep breath?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThink happy thoughts, listen to relaxing music, talk to someone, journal your feelings, go out into a secluded area (where theres no way you could disturb others) and scream, and take a walk, take in nature.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I control my anger issues when talking to certain people?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerCount to 10 in your head and take deep breaths. Tell the person you are talking to that you cannot talk to them at the moment, and try to get away as fast as possible. Once you cool off, return to the person, apologize, and try to continue the conversation.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I be less annoyed with my friend's competitiveness?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerFirst, start by asking yourself why her competitiveness bothers you. Do you feel the need to compete with her? If not, then take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I am not in competition with my friend or anyone else. Her actions and attitudes have no affect on me or my life right now." And let it go. Do this as many times as you need to.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I make loud and annoying people at soccer games be quiet?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerPolitely ask them to stop, and if they don't, go to someone with authority, and tell them that a person at this game is disturbing your experience. That should do the trick.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do I do if the people who are annoying me keep on annoying me after I take these steps?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerJust walk away. If they follow you, take deep breaths, count backwards from 50, and put in some earbuds and listen to music (favorite songs, relaxing music, etc.). Basically, put yourself in your own little world.Thanks!
QuestionWhat can I do if my spouse is chronically annoyed with me?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerFirst, try and work out what is causing them to be annoyed. Is it something you are doing, are they they are having a hard time at work, or are they unwell? While you are trying to work this out, take a soft approach in your dealings with your spouse. Watch your tone, stay as sweet, calm, and pleasant as you can. Remain steady and amenable in everything you do. If your spouse is snapping and snarling, try not to snap back. Instead, respond neutrally, walk away, and take some calming breaths.Thanks!
QuestionWhat can I do if I am trying to sleep, and someone is loud and won't stop no matter how often I ask her to?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerGet earmuffs or ear plugs -- something that will tune out the outside world.Thanks!
To be less annoyed with people, take a deep breath to separate yourself from the situation and think about something happy for about 10 seconds. Remind yourself that others will not do everything like you would, and lower your expectations of them. You don’t have to distrust them, but you should be okay with them doing things a little differently. You should also make a habit of assuming the best of those who annoy you, since they probably aren’t doing it on purpose. In the end, the small annoyances of life just aren’t worth worrying about.
- Positive thinking can alleviate irritation with others.
- Be aware that the online environment can also leave you feeling annoyed, only this time with anonymous people whose faces you cannot even see. Try not to take negative interactions in the online environment to heart, keep a sense of humor, and move along when things feel turbulent. Tomorrow will make it all seem very different after a good night of sleeping on it.
- The sweeter the person who annoys you is, the more annoyed you may be. Consider carefully why this is so. Are they really a sweet person, or is it a tool for manipulation and a means of getting their own way? Does their sweetness highlight your own grumpiness over something? Think carefully before you react.
- Always be calm. Have a little music, go for a walk or play with your favourable one.
- Be aware that sometimes you can turn mountains into molehills by looking at each incident separately. Watch for patterns that indicate serious real conflicts that need mediation. Discuss the situation with trusted friends outside the situation or with a counselor if it's starting to drive you round the bend, don't just react. In all the situations where there are deeper conflicts, just reacting or overreacting puts you right where they want you: making a fool of yourself or your crossing the line and getting in trouble.
- Be careful what you view as annoying behavior. It's understandable how annoying people's behavior and words may be, but changing your perception is key. For example, it may annoy you that an autistic person is flapping or making noises in order to stim. Instead, tell yourself "This person is allowed to stay comfortable and express themselves just like I am allowed to. I can be patient with people who are different from me, even if I don't understand it."
- Be aware that disdain, contempt, and fear are contagious. Avoid buttressing your dislike or contempt for the person who annoys you by inflicting your opinion on others about why this person is so annoying. You don't want people to be angry at you for bullying them.
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