Jenna Stauffer and Sandra L. Brown on Psychopathy and Pathological Love Relationships
How to Spot a Dangerous Man
Unfortunately, it is not easy to learn how to spot a dangerous man -- you need to learn to listen to and trust your instincts when something a new man says or does makes you feel as if you are at risk of harm. Dangerous men exhibit behaviors that communicate their belief that they are justified in what they do. In addition a dangerous man can have absolutely no intention of harming you physically, but in other ways be it emotionally, sexually or criminally.
Make Note of Risky or Dangerous Actions
Listen to your instincts, and learn how to spot a dangerous man.Dangerous men look just as normal as men who are not threatening to you or others. His danger to you does not have to include physical danger -- he can be a threat financially, spiritually, emotionally, or sexually.
- Control is a danger sign. If he wants control over you, mentally, economically or emotionally, this is a warning sign. Also, beware of lies being used to gain dominance.
Push a man away if his physical actions or verbal communications tell you he is dangerous to you.Even though society has taught you to be polite and accommodating, when a man is dangerous and you are picking up on this, you can be rude as you rebuff his advances.
Act proactively when you are out at night.If you are walking through a parking garage or down a dark street, have your keys interlaced between your fingers in a tight grip should you encounter a man you don't know. If a man is following you, look for an open business so you can seek help. If you carry mace, make sure to have the kind that does not freeze in cold climates.
- Wasp Spray is recommended. It is a much better deterrent as it has a much longer and more accurate spray pattern. It can also be extremely damaging to the recipient.
Change your dating patterns.If you have been involved in past, unhealthy relationships with men who caused some form of harm to you, start learning what attracts you to these men and makes you normalize dangerous relationship patterns.
Note What the Therapist Looks For
Learn the signs of the dangerous man before you get involved with one.Briefly, these hints of peril include fast-paced relationships, the man's history, multiple relationships, how he selects his girlfriends, and patterns of behavior.
- Resist his pressure to move your relationship too quickly. Dangerous and pathological men usually start a new relationship with an agenda in mind. They want "instant intimacy" so they can begin victimizing you.
- Investigate his past. Find out if he has a criminal history, mental health issues, or a history of domestic/dating violence.
- Ask your boyfriend about past relationships. If he chooses to tell you about his past girlfriends, listen closely. The man who does not like being by himself develops a history of multiple relationships so he can be with someone -- anyone!
- Look for consistent and enduring patterns of behavior. Dangerous men with pathological disorders behave the same way with each new woman they begin dating
- Seek information about your boyfriend's former partners. If he has been with women who are also emotionally unhealthy, listen to your gut and back away.
Study these specific types of men:emotional predator, parent seeker, hidden life, emotional unavailability, violent man, mentally ill, has issues with addictions, and the permanent clinger. These types of men have a mental pathology or, if they have not been diagnosed, a therapist should examine and evaluate them.
- Watch this man very closely, especially if he is quickly able to discern and meet your needs. The emotional predator rapidly divines your needs and vulnerabilities.
- Listen to your radar if you begin to suspect you have met a man who wants you to take care of all his needs. He wants a parent and is willing to use you for your care-giving skills.
- Check into his history. Make note of problems such as criminal behavior, undisclosed children or diseases, women you didn't know about, and dangerous habits, addictions or hobbies.
- Follow your instincts if you have met a man who is committed but promises he is "just about" to leave a prior relationship. These men seek out women with poor boundaries.
- Pay close attention if you have met the "Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde" type of man. His negative side comes out when he needs to get back on top in the relationship. He will hit, shame, inflict physical harm, blame, and damage property if it forces you to return to him.
- Listen to your instincts if you realize you have met a man who has an addiction of some kind. His addiction does not have to be to drugs or alcohol -- instead, it can be to pornography, thrill seeking, sex, or simply being in a relationship.
- Pay attention to your feelings. For example, if you are in a relationship and feel as if you are giving everything and have nothing left to give, you might be involved with a permanent clinger.
- If he constantly makes you feel like he's doing you a big favor, be wary. Nobody should be made to feel this way all the time.
- If your family, coworkers and friends begin warning you that your present boyfriend is potentially dangerous, listen to what they are telling you.
- If an outburst comes out of the blue, take heed. This is a big warning and red flag that tells you you're involved with someone dangerous.
- Commitment avoidance is tricky. It doesn't necessarily equate to "dangerous" but if it's ongoing, it can mess you about. Make a decision when enough is enough for you and move on.
- Blowing up about small incidents, reacting in a way that is totally out of proportion to the issue, being easily angered, etc. are all signs of potential violence and instability.
- If you have already become involved and you have been subjected to violence, please be aware that, when you are getting ready to leave a violent relationship, you are in the greatest amount of danger.
- If anyone is following or stalking you, go to the police.
Video: How To Spot a Dangerous Man by Sandra Brown
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