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Not So Familiar Anymore
Well, I made it through Anna's "flying up" ceremony (four kleenexes and three napkins later), with Peter at my side. I even made it through the movie afterward, and it really wasn't too bad. Peter was fine – not especially supportive, but I expected that – and I realized it's getting easier to be around him now.
I noticed as we sat in the auditorium that he was wearing a new shirt. I know that doesn't seem like much, but Peter's not a guy who buys a lot of clothes. I've noticed him in new shirts and even a new coat last winter, and I definitely didn't recognize this one. It struck me that he didn't look as familiar. Does that make sense?
One of the hardest things about betrayal and divorce is you feel like someone replaced your spouse with some kind of space alien that happens to look just like him but behaves and speaks to you in ways you were sure your husband would never do. Peter is starting to not look so much like old, familiar Peter anymore. Or maybe I'm starting to feel the distance between us more, and that's eroded the familiarity away. Whichever it is, it's high time it happened.
We spent an uneventful day together, and our daughter and son had a nice day as well. I won't be actively planning any of these "family" events, but if we should be thrown together like this again, well….I'm not so stressed about it anymore. He's spent a year and more growing into the Peter he is now, and it shows. Even better, I'm becoming the Ellie I am without him around anymore.
And it turns out that Ellie is exactly who I want to be.
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